I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
