I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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