we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
