He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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