Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Welp...herpes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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