Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
