Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How external is "for external use only"?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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