What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
