i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
