I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
