The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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