just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
