So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
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How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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