matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
