In the future we'll all be gay
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize