I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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