I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
