My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
