it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
