Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
