You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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