What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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