he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
