One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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