D3 body, D1 cock
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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