im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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