So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
