it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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