Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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