Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
