Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
