So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
