found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
