and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
