also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
