NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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