apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
