Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize