508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
