so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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