We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
