Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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