No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
