While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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