Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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