I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
