Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
