it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
