I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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