Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
