UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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