And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
