I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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