Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
