I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
