on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
