she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
