my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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