I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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