Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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