am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
