You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
