I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
