He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
