My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
