I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
