Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
