I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
