$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
