I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
