She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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