i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
