I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
