I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
